Family visits on Sunday afternoons often rely on technology these days. Now that we don't live within driving distance, Skype sessions with grandparents are a new norm. A text from my brother, "you there?" precedes a phonecall that results in a quick chat to catch up with the family. Later in the day, or perhaps tomorrow, I'll text my sister to say hello and send a HUG -- I'm really not much for talking, but it's great to reach out and stay connected. The draft on Sunday, however, took the whole "staying connected" thing to another level.
Joe and I rushed home from the grocery store after church two weeks ago Sunday, just in time for the 1 p.m. Fantasy football draft. Bob was connected to his HP laptop, Matt sat on the couch with his MacBook Air, and Joe went bounding upstairs to the iMac to log in and get started. Online, via Skype was Uncle Mike (in LA). But Google hangout allows for multiple participants for free, so.... Matt was generating invites as the draft began.
"Your team is on the clock" echoed upstairs and down. I could hear all three computers, and the unknown voice inside the machines helped me keep tabs on who was picking when. The "old" HP froze and cost Bob a pick or two, so he switched to the iPad, leaving the computer up for Skyping once it rebooted. In between the smack talk and laughter, the boys were choosing teams, separate but together, participating in a visit and an event despite the miles that separate LA from Chicagoland. Grandpa lives in Tennessee and the Frasco cousins are in Maryland -- they were invited to the video call, but focused only on the draft. We were bicoastal, with one foot in the midwest and another in Dixie.
As the hour went by, I heard Matt giving Uncle Mike step-by-step directions for shifting from the Skype call to Google+. Once the four of them were all in the same chat room, the fun really began! Matt, as the initiator and chief IT guy for the forum, started using special effects -- sounds and sights to make us laugh and perhaps even distract from the task at hand. Ensuring productivity, "Your team is on the clock," announced repeatedly from around the circle. Occasionally, I heard an "oh shoot! It's my pick." Other times it was, "who's left?" There were party hats and viking horns floating on top of heads in the hangout, and plenty of echo-y sound effects that proved annoying for some, but generally just entertaining.
This level of visiting, despite the distance really took me back -- to the days of casual visits with purpose; when relatives lived nearby, and you never knew who would drop by, but you were always glad to see them. That Sunday, I was reminded more of our in-person time, with cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents as our mostly-empty house echoed with the laughter and fun only family shares during the rarest and yet most normal of occasions-- being gathered in one place. Only this time, the one place was virtual. Virtual space providing actual connection... think of that!
Friday, September 13, 2013
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Quiet, by Susan Cain -- intro to a book review
Always start with something personal. "It's more meaningful," they say: Matt is quiet, easily overstimulated, and yet a good conversationalist and an eager learner. They say I'm quiet too -- always have been. I listen intently, always interested in the world around me, and very observant. I'm not shy, though I don't like crowds. I don't tend to speak up unless I have something important to say, and I HATE being somewhere for no reason.
My willingness to listen and keen observation skills have yielded what my husband refers to as a "Cliff Clavin-like" sense of expertise on a variety of topics. I'm good at Trivial Pursuit, but not a big fan of board games or party games -- I have to be in the right mood. I hold on to and reflect on other peoples' worlds, forming opinions and offering advice, which is what I think makes me a good counselor.
Matt on the other hand, loves games, thinks strategically and logically and appears to be much more "in his head" than in the world. We are both quiet, yet our introverted natures differ. I reached for Susan Cain's book as means to understand better how to parent Matt and help him relate in a world of talkers. What I also discovered while reading were ways to articulate more about me and to consider how I relate with the world.
Cain provides an elaborative mix of case examples and research studies, along with quotes and ideas that speak to both head and heart. She introduces us to some VERY effective introverts as well as the researchers who inform who and why we matter.
It's Chapter 6 that I marked for Matt to read: Why Franklin was a politician but Eleanor spoke out of conscience: Why Cool is Overrated. When I explained what I had read and why he might want to take a look, his interest piqued a little -- with eyebrows raised and a bright expression on his face, he said "cool!" This from a 15 1/2 year old boy! I heard and saw a connection, despite the single-syllable utterance.
I think what I appreciate most about the book is Cain's insistence that the complementary nature of introverts and extroverts yields the best possible outcomes; the inextricable link that's the yin/yang ideal. Cain notes that different situations and/or circumstances require different strengths. She points out the necessity for balance, citing examples, like the financial crisis caused by institutions "too big to fail" which illustrates what happens when risk-tolerant, impulsive types are not checked by the risk-averse, perspective-taking thinkers. She also acknowledges the value of cultivating habits that support realizing one's dream and/or cultivating a passion that requires extrovert-like skills. She calls the animated, public-speaking, sociable roles we play, putting on an extrovert persona. Cain harps on the necessary acts of extroversion that are part of pursuing a dream, while reminding the introverted reader to be true to herself. "Figure out what you are meant to contribute to the world and make sure you contribute it. If this requires public speaking or networking or other activities that make you uncomfortable, do them anyway. But accept that they're difficult, get the training you need to make them easier, and reward yourself when you're done." (p. 265)
Cain's primary objective in publishing Quiet and proceeding to promote it appear to be about articulating the value of being an introvert. She provides a litany of role models and examples that one who is deemed quiet might aspire to be. She captures Eleanor Roosevelt's nature as complementary to Franklin's and captures Professor Little's seemingly multiple personalities as "just right" for the contributions they've made. The book also reassures and proclaims the value of introverts to a world that just now appears to be swinging back from an over-reliance on the extrovert ideal. Maybe my awareness has been heightened, but I'm hearing more about taking stock of the value of those who are more contemplative, persistent, sensitive and/or serious.
Susan Cain highlights the value of a "both...and..." world, raising the status of introverts such that extroverts and introverts alike can appreciate the power of Quiet.
My willingness to listen and keen observation skills have yielded what my husband refers to as a "Cliff Clavin-like" sense of expertise on a variety of topics. I'm good at Trivial Pursuit, but not a big fan of board games or party games -- I have to be in the right mood. I hold on to and reflect on other peoples' worlds, forming opinions and offering advice, which is what I think makes me a good counselor.
Matt on the other hand, loves games, thinks strategically and logically and appears to be much more "in his head" than in the world. We are both quiet, yet our introverted natures differ. I reached for Susan Cain's book as means to understand better how to parent Matt and help him relate in a world of talkers. What I also discovered while reading were ways to articulate more about me and to consider how I relate with the world.
Cain provides an elaborative mix of case examples and research studies, along with quotes and ideas that speak to both head and heart. She introduces us to some VERY effective introverts as well as the researchers who inform who and why we matter.
It's Chapter 6 that I marked for Matt to read: Why Franklin was a politician but Eleanor spoke out of conscience: Why Cool is Overrated. When I explained what I had read and why he might want to take a look, his interest piqued a little -- with eyebrows raised and a bright expression on his face, he said "cool!" This from a 15 1/2 year old boy! I heard and saw a connection, despite the single-syllable utterance.
I think what I appreciate most about the book is Cain's insistence that the complementary nature of introverts and extroverts yields the best possible outcomes; the inextricable link that's the yin/yang ideal. Cain notes that different situations and/or circumstances require different strengths. She points out the necessity for balance, citing examples, like the financial crisis caused by institutions "too big to fail" which illustrates what happens when risk-tolerant, impulsive types are not checked by the risk-averse, perspective-taking thinkers. She also acknowledges the value of cultivating habits that support realizing one's dream and/or cultivating a passion that requires extrovert-like skills. She calls the animated, public-speaking, sociable roles we play, putting on an extrovert persona. Cain harps on the necessary acts of extroversion that are part of pursuing a dream, while reminding the introverted reader to be true to herself. "Figure out what you are meant to contribute to the world and make sure you contribute it. If this requires public speaking or networking or other activities that make you uncomfortable, do them anyway. But accept that they're difficult, get the training you need to make them easier, and reward yourself when you're done." (p. 265)
Cain's primary objective in publishing Quiet and proceeding to promote it appear to be about articulating the value of being an introvert. She provides a litany of role models and examples that one who is deemed quiet might aspire to be. She captures Eleanor Roosevelt's nature as complementary to Franklin's and captures Professor Little's seemingly multiple personalities as "just right" for the contributions they've made. The book also reassures and proclaims the value of introverts to a world that just now appears to be swinging back from an over-reliance on the extrovert ideal. Maybe my awareness has been heightened, but I'm hearing more about taking stock of the value of those who are more contemplative, persistent, sensitive and/or serious.
Susan Cain highlights the value of a "both...and..." world, raising the status of introverts such that extroverts and introverts alike can appreciate the power of Quiet.
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